Sussy Bakas 101

INFO

THIS IS NOT 100% COMPLETE, UP TO DATE, OR TO BE FOLLOWED RELIGIOUSLY.

This is my attempt to write up a list of common ways to see if someone is going to not fit into a community. I will get shit wrong. Please edit and add to make it more correct. <3

We ALWAYS ALWAYS try to help someone BEFORE kicking/booting/banning etc. Education is #1. Discipline is last resort. Tough love is extra last resort.

BAD DAYS DOES NOT MEAN BAD CHARACTER! Chronic bad behavior is more important than being perfect all the time. Noone is perfect. We are humans. I want you to make mistakes, it means you're being brave! <3

There may be some triggering scenarios and words in this article. Proceed with caution.

New Users

Overly Enthusiastic

• Someone's Alt: They know we're hyper and like it, and tries to overdo it. Usually as a newbie, being hyper in a server would be a bad thing, if the server is already not hyper.

• Dominating The Conversation/visual domain: If they're super hyper off the bat, and aren't someone's alt, they may be someone that's more of a, uh, attention whore. They might dominate the conversation when a group are trying to talk, not let anyone get a word in, and just make the vibes very uncomfortable. Also if they use giant avatars or avatars with a lot of particles or effects during a bigger event it could be a red flag they aren't considerate of others.

• Young: It could mean they are very young and their natural state is hyper. This inherently isn't sus, but since we're generally 18+, it would be a good thing to look out for for people lying about their age.

• Personality Disorder: Some people, particularly in the neurodivergent community... Uh, *Raises hand*, may be unaware about how appropriate it is to be enthusiastic! In this case, it might be best to try and educate them on the social do's and dont's of being enthusiastic. There is a time and a place, but it is not all the time. :3

Underly Enthusiastic

• Lazy: Usually denotes someone that isn't super interested, or doesn't like to put effort into things. Usually they will just lurk in the background without being a bother. That's okay! <3
• Privledged: They might come out later to say "Noone likes me!" but never puts in any effort to get to know others and expects others to like them without telling them anything about themselves.
• Shy: Similar to privlidged, they might also expect others to like them without putting in any effort, BUT they aren't aware that people need to know their interests before they want to be friends. Educate them on "Hey! Tell us the things you like, and people will like you! Even if you -think- it's weird, the right people will find you :3"

How to tell if a disagreement is going bad

Unstable

• Edgelord: If they are constantly talking about edgey things... Death, suicidal, "woe is me", "I will never have a gf/bf", etc, then that is also suspicious! These people usually are looking for someone to solve their problem instead of face it themselves. We can TRY to help them, but it often will end with them being pissed because we told them how to solve their problem, but they aren't willing to change or put in the effort. Keep an eye out for their profiles too. They will often have things like "Nothing even matters" or "There's no point" or other things. They often need professional help to heal.

• Chaotic (Evil? Neutral?): Sometimes random is fun, but occasionally, random is.... too random. It may be funny at first, but it can quickly dive into being offensive or malicious towards others, even if unintentionly.

• Attacking: If people are attacking eachother in any capacity, that is not okay. We are adults and are expected to talk over problems and not attack eachother. There's a great picture about how to handle a disagreement, and at the end of the day, we can agree to disagree. This is NOT a politics server, and we are not here to argue over laws and shit. We're here to make friends and have fun.

• Public Shaming: If people ARE having a genuine disagreement that might go on for awhile, it's generally wise to move it civilly to DMs instead of continue in public. If people are calling each other out in public, it's not great, and COULD mean bad character. Sometimes in the heat of the moment, it happens though, so don't use this as a 100% indicator.

• Flipflopper: Someone may be in denial if they are constantly saying they ARE Something but actions prove otherwise. Like if their name is supercutefluffylovesnuggleball but they keep being mean to others. Actions speak louder than words, and they may need professional help to actually change their ways if that is their true intent.

• Judgmental: A newbie may come in and not approve of our lifestyle. "I Hate hyper people! I thought you were adults!" or "Ew, are you ALL lesbians here?" Those types of people are generally not going to have a good time in our community.

• Negative Nancy: Generally people that are going to be successful here aren't going to be negative nancies... "I hate cats!" "I do not like spaghetti, it's gross!" It's okay to express a feeling that IS negative, but usually when they are spouting it constantly RIGHT off the bat, nothing good will come from it. They are usually unable to respect different opinions than theirs and may fight their fellow spaghetti lovers.

• The Lewd: We are like the sims. There is an invisible friendship meter on everyone, and you gotta hit certain levels for certain things to be okay. Someone coming in and off the bat posting half naked pictures of themselves in a mostly wholesome server is not great, it comes off as thirsty. Those sorts of things are more reserved for people who are longterm members and wanting to share their body as a form of art, not a form of "PLS FUCK ME". Also posting sexual memes or conversation right off the bad in general is, not awesome. Especially if it's in their profile. Things like "daddy's widdle cummy wummy dumpster drink it all up slurp" is not going to be great, lol. Also overly sexual avatars in general events is also a bit of a red flag.

• Just Sus: People spouting off really... unconventional things off the bad is also not great. We had a couple users, we joke about all the time, that came in with an avatar of a dog that said "I love peeing" and immediately started asking EVERYONE in the room if they knew what he loved doing. After like the 6th time asking, Mondo turned around and said "...peeing?". He stared at her, turned around, and kept asking others. He did not last long. The second, was someone that joined the server and immediately started asking everyone if they were a minor. This is a huge red flag that someone is either going to be so lewd that they can't help themselves around minors and will do something bad, or is specifically seeking out minors, uh, to do something bad. I get that some people do the "Minors, DNI" sort of thing, but at a casual conversation event in a mostly wholesome server, it was very suspicious. Since then, we have went 18+ just to avoid these sorts of issues, but it is still very suspicious as to why people NEED to know right off the bat.

• Impatient: If people are not willing to wait, either to be approved from the guest channel, or to wait for an answer back to a question, it is very suspicious. Sure if it's been a few days, a bump wouldn't hurt, but when it's been a few hours and someone says "HELLO? WILL ANYONE ANSWER ME?" Super sus.

• Inconsiderate: I GET it, society is changing all the time. There are words that were okay to use in the 90s that aren't okay now. People should attempt to be considerate of these changes and be respectful of eachother. It's POSSIBLE they may just need to be educated, but more often than not, they are deliberately defying what is considerate these days. This is tough because people have different sensitivities, and I dont want people to feel they are walking on eggshells, but some of the big no-no words are def off limits.

• The Low Self Esteem: "I am useless, I am bothersome, I am a failure, Noone likes me, I have no friends". This is not true, and I struggle with this a LOT, but this is more reserved for the vent channel on the occasion, and not like, right off the bat to people you barely know. This def needs some professional help, as well as encouragement from us, if the person has been decent otherwise. Sometimes people just need to know they are loved and it helps their self esteem. Sometimes people will have low self esteem no matter how much we tell them they are loved. It's only an issue if it is CONSISTANTLY CHRONIC! They may also run away, isolate, or leave the server. It may be worth reaching out to them if they're a decent person otherwise, and tell em their brain is lying to them, they are amazing. They may also be ashamed to brag about their accomplishments and try to hide their personality. Push it! Tell em theyre amazing and brag about the cool stuff they did!

• The Unhumble Braggers: In the complete opposite direction, if people join the server and their first setence is "UM, HI MY NAME IS BOB AND MY POWERLEVEL IN OVERWATCH IS OVER 9000, FUCK YOU PLEBS" then it's also not gunna be great. I would rather people overbrag than underbrag, but when you're sharing info about yourself, it's fine. When you are insulting the others that aren't as good as you, then that's not so fine.

• I Live Here: When someone "Lives" in a particular channel and never ventures outside, it could be a sign something is wrong, they are uncomfortable, their needs aren't getting met, etc. It might be worth reaching out to see if we can help. This is often seen in the taxes channel, vent channel, and self promo.

• Controversy & Cancel Culture: It's in the rules for a reason! If you post an article about how, idk, Linux is the devil and running it is supporting satanism or something, then that's not so awesome, because I'm sure there are many that run Linux, and no matter what company, no matter what celebrity, there IS controvery about EVERY celebrity, EVERY company, everyone. There is controvery everywhere, and if someone else likes something you don't, it's not essential to slam them because you have different opinions. Respect eachothers opinions even if you disagree with it. We could cancel Bayer asprin for what they did in the war, but we don't. We still take bayer, and if somoene has an issue with it, they can take offbrand asprin. But don't slam the people who do still buy Bayer. The exception would be if an organization was so fucking evil and awful that their main goal is to cause suffering and pain, sort of thing. They are out there...

Old Users

How to tell if a disagreement is bad

• Unwilling to Compromise: If there IS a disagreement, you should be able to talk to eachother calmly and try to compromise, even if it's just "Agree to disagree" it's okay. Sometimes one side or another will not budge, no matter how much evidence is presented, no how many times "Agree to disagree" is brought up, and that is not okay. Mondo REALLY likes to compromise and give everyone what they want as long as it aligns with the server's vision, but sometimes, the things people want will not align with the server's vision, and at that point it may be worth considering a different community that does match their wants and needs. An example: One time, people asked for the server signups to be shut off, and that does not align with the server vision of helping create a community that is constantly growing, evolving, and helping as many people and making as many friends and friend groups and healing from society, and changing the world through love and acceptance! They may be best suited for a small friend group that is about gaming with the same people constantly.

• Change Of Heart: Occasionally old people will start to be malicious, and it's probably either because something they have been ignoring either internally or externally has come to a head, or something happened that they were unable to cope with. These are the most difficult to handle IMO because we are all so emotionally involved, it's hard to take a step back and look at the situation objectively. We may really love the person, and may give them WAY more chances than we should, but after a point, we have to say enough is enough, and they need help that we cannot provide to heal.

• Unable to accept feedback: Sometimes we will have someone in server that's decent enough, but will fuck something up, and we gotta step in and say "Hey that wasn't okay!". Occasionally, they cannot accept that they have fucked up, and will explode and fight back, going even to say that the incident never even happened. Gaslighting, anyone? These situations are also hard because we are emotionally involved.