How To Get People To Talk To Me More?

When I asked how the hell do I get people to talk to me more, people reccomended me the book "How to win friends and influence people". I neither want to "Play a game" to "win" friends, nor do I want to influence people... to be my friend. I looked at the book a little and it seemed a bit dry, so here's MY way that I have learned to make friends, based on my previous mistakes...

TLDR: I wasn't making healthy open ended conversation, and it made the other person feel like they were carrying the conversation and noone wants to talk to someone that feels like it takes EFFORT to talk to. Everyone LOVES those conversations where it feels effortless and natural and like you've been friends for years, right?

The secret, is volunteer information and ask open ended questions. Never leave a sentence without something to respond to, even if it's just "Let me know how it goes", if you have no more input on the subject. A second secret is to keep the conversation positive. It's okay to have negative opinions and stuff, but it does not help move a conversation along particularly with people you just met. Save that for a different level of friendship in DMs. :) I'm not saying you have to be TOXICALLY positive, because that is an issue in and of itself, but there is a time and a place for negativity, use it correctly, and not with strangers you just met and are trying to be friends with. <3

BUT MONDO T_T... Noone responds to me and I feel ignored!

...*SLAPS THE KEYBOARD OUT OF YOUR HAND!* YOU ARE NOT BEING IGNORED!

There are many possibilities! A bad time zone! Everyones at an event! Or many other things... such as...

If you say something like, "Hey guys! Fuzzy McWhiskers update: pic. He's so cute!" and people might think in their head "indeed. Cute." And go about their day. Not rejecting you, but THEY THEMSELVES not feeling their comment is worth saying. People are often SO scared that they don't wanna talk if they're not adding something "worthwhile" to the convo, and I'm like, MY HOMIES, EVERTTHING YOU SAY IS WORTHWILE, STOP IT. You may think that bringing something up in chat means that you want to discuss it, but some people are oblivious AF! It helps so much to ASK QUESTIONS, and that will prompt sooo so so many more people that their response is worthwhile! They're not ignoring you! They don't feel worthy!

Good Healthy 2 sided Conversation [Open Ended]

Let's take a look at this conversation. The conversation WORKS without the words in bold, but the words in bold are open ended questions and help the conversation flow WAY more naturally, effortlessly for both parties!

• Bob: Hi! What are you guys up to today?
• Mondo: Oh just hanging out with some friends, we're going to see the new Deadpool movie!
• Bob: Oh shit, I just saw that yesterday, it was awesome, let me know how you like it later!
• Mondo: I will! I really liked in part 2 where he rode the unicorn.
• Bob: Fuck I love unicorns. There was this book series I read in high school called the Unicorn Chronicles and it was epic.
• Mondo: Oh yeah? Ill have to take a look. What did you like about it?
• Bob: I liked that the main character wasnt a damsel in distress
• ETC.

Bob and Mondo are now best friends

Bad Conversation [One Person Keeping It Going]

• Bob: Hi!
• Mondo: Hi bob!
• Bob: Im going to see a movie.
• Mondo: Oh, that should be fun!

Lots of silence, and Mondo tries to keep the conversation moving to get to know Bob, since bob isn't volunteering any information to bounce off of.

• Mondo: Sooooooooo... Which movie are you going to see?
• Bob: A Marvel Movie

Bob STILL isn't giving mondo much to work with here, and Mondo is sad because she is carrying the conversation

• Mondo: Oh, which one?
• Bob: Deadpool 3.
• Mondo: Oh, I loved Deadpool 3!

Bob has made no attempt to keep the conversation going, and now Mondo doesn't feel like talking to Bob anymore, because it takes a lot of effort and it feels like Bob doesn't care.

Bad Conversation [Close Ended]

• Bob: Hi
• Mondo: Hi
• Bob: I'm going to see a movie.
• Mondo: k

Bob and Mondo never talk again because noone is volunteering info or asking open ended questions.

Bad Conversation [Too Negative]

• Bob: Hi
• Mondo: Hows it goin bob?
• Bob: Pretty shitty. My dad died, my cat jumped off the roof, and I stubbed my toe, it's bleeding, here look *picture*
• Mondo: O..Oh... I hope that tomorrow is a better day for you...

Mondo is now flabbergasted and doesn't know how to proceed so... *FLEE*

Bad Conversation [Negative Toned]

• Bob: Hey everyone, I am sad today.
• Mondo: How come?
• Bob: Well, my bank account is hacked and I have no money to eat.

The conversation is now awkward, and most people would either not respond much, or try to help

• Mondo: That sucks, you should call up your bank and get that taken care of. Have you had a look at the foodbank nearby to get by until then?
• Bob: No, the foodbank is dirty

The situation is now even more awkward, because it seems like Bob is now going to guilt people into doing something they don't want to do.

• Mondo: Ah, well, uh, maybe ask on a local facebook freecycle group
• Bob: Nah, I dont take handouts from strangers, but i am starving and here is my Paypal: bob@bobbert.com

Now Bob has kind of ruined his reputation for the moment at least, because he is offered solutions that he rejects and instead, begs for money. Mondo no longer wants to talk to Bob because he doesn't focus on solutions, but focuses on guilting people to get what he wants.