What are friendship levels?
What are friendship levels?
Everyone has friendship Levels! Some of us never gave them a thought, but they're there! Let's discuss!
If a stranger on the street said you look cute, what would you feel? Everyone has a different answer for this. Some people would be like "omg thankies ^_^" and feel like you just took a molly for 3 hours and others would be like "thats my purse! o_o i dont know you!"... and walk away quickly. Why? Because we all have different levels we are comfortable with interacting other humans.
It might be a fun exercise to think about how you interact with others and plan your own friendship levels out. I'll give you an example of mine (Mondos).
Please note that friendship levels ARE flexible too!
Friendship Levels are Flexible!
- Level 1: I don't know you, you're a stranger on the street: Please do not talk to me or interact with me. I don't want you to tell me that I am cute, that you like my hair, or my shirt, or anything.
- Level 1 (Alternate): I don't know you, you're a stranger on the street. If you're going to talk to me, please only comment on my pop culture references (like my pins or shirt) but do not compliment me or my appearance.
Now these are 2 very different situations, but it's the same level! What does this mean!? It means that on a normal day, I do not want to interact when I am out in public. But on another alternate day, I might want to talk but only about pop culture references! Why is this? Because If I have enough spoons (see right), I might be interested in talking about pop culture with a stranger, provided that stranger doesn't make me feel uncomfortable.
In fact, after the stranger talks about pop culture reference, I might be really excited and hyper and hope that they continue a conversation and maybe I have made a new friend! But I, personally, am too scared to continue the conversation personally, because I generally have to form most conversations in my head before I say them, and a stranger catching me off guard like that, I have no conversation in my head ready to go, so I just panic xD'
I feel I am an extreme example of highly socially anxious, so I have no idea how other people act or would act, and I'll have to ask in the discord for people to make a friendship level chart so we can maybe compare and have a few examples :D
Different conversations are appropriate at different friendship levels
Would you walk up to a smoker on the street and say "Hey you really need to reconsider smoking!"? Hell no! That's not appropriate. You don't know them! You don't know their life, their struggles, anything! Maybe their mom just died! Maybe they've been smoking since they were 12 and have been trying to quit. Maybe they get really mad unless they smoke when they get REALLY stressed. It doesn't matter the reason, that's just NOT something you say to strangers!
Trying to help strangers improve their life if they are making poor decisions may FEEL noble, (and the intent might be!) but it is NOT something you say, but it MAY be something you say to a parent or a loved one. What's the difference? TACT! Etiquette! "There is a time and place for that, but being at a friendship level of strangers is not it!"
You KNOW your mom, your dad, your friends, your siblings, and you KNOW if it would be appropriate to try to help them quit smoking, and you know how to approach the subject without offending them, and possibly even the reason why they are smoking. You know the best way of HELPING them quit. A stranger, you don't know, and it would be WILDLY inappropriate to suggest.
You know what else you don't say to strangers? "Hey would you like to hug?" "Can I kiss you?" "Want to snuggle?".
Those things are more intimate, and is something that you would need to know people a bit better before you ask! Maybe someone doesn't like hugs, kisses, or snuggles. Maybe someone wants to be in a relationship before doing any of those things!
How to have a deeper conversation at an appropriate time
"But Mondo, I WANT to hug or snuggle someone! I want to DM them! I want to help them quit smoking! I want to X, Y, or Z! How do I know when I can ask!?"
A great question! You should try to build that friendship level if you want to ask something sensitive!
How to build your friendship level
- Introduce yourself
- People love talking about themselves! So ask questions and volunteer information about yourself too! Make casual conversation about non-sensitive topics. Tell people all about YOU and ask about THEM!
- Safe topics: Anime, Video Games, TV Shows, Movies, Pets, Hobbies, Interests, Family, Jobs, Their Future Goals, etc
- If you can't remember what are safe topics, remember their DICK! Ask about their
- Dreams
- Interests,
- Career, and
- Kin (Kids/Wife/Husband/Family)
- See Also: How To Get People To Talk To Me More?
Sample GOOD friendship level building at low levels!
*Noob Joins the server* Mondo: Hello! Welcome! Check out #get-started and #introduce-yoself, and tell us you favorite frog! Noob: Hiya! My fav frog is the tree frog! They're so cute Mondo: Hell yeah they are cute! Are you also a nerd? :3 Noob: I am! I love anime and video games so much. I'm currently watching Pom Poko: The Great Raccoon War, and playing Final Fantasy X! Have you ever played those before? Mondo: Omg FFX is my favoriteeeeeeeeeeeeee, and the music was so good! Noob: I love "To Zanarkard!" Mondo: Have you heard the Black Mages cover of it? Noob: OMG I HAVE NOT! PLS LINK! Mondo: *Link* *BFFS*
Sample BAD topics to talk about at a low level of friendship
- Religion
- Politics
- Controversy
- Physical Appearance IRL
Friendship Level Chart (example)
| Friendship Level | Situation | Example | Description | Description: Alternative | General mood |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Lv. 1: Strangers | We are both strangers on the street | 2 People on a bus | In general, please do not talk to me. Do not comment on my appearance or my things. We do not exist to eachother. | Good Mood Alternative: If you would like to comment on my pop culture references (pins, shirt, etc), please do so! I would even like a conversation about similar nerdy things. Please don't comment on my appearance. | 😰 |
| Lv. 2: Strangers 2 | We are strangers, but you have been vouched for by a business | You are a cashier and I am a customer | You are welcome to ask me if I need help. Sometimes I may need help but am too scared to ask. Please don't comment on my appearance. | Bad Mood Alternative: Please do not talk to me. I do not need help. Leave me alone. | 😨 |
| Lv. 3: Strangers 3 | We are strangers but I have seen you around | A regular cashier / bus drivers / someone on my route to work / a coworker in a different apartment | You are welcome to say hi, comment on my pop culture references, and talk about yourself. Please don't comment on my appearance. | N/A | 🤐 |
| Lv. 4: Strangers 4 | We are strangers but we have talked a little | Someone from Strangers 3, but we have talked a bit personally | I am excited to see you generally and look forward to seeing you. I may wish to hang out with you outside of the place we are seeing each other regularly, but I may be too scared to ask. Please ask me to hang out! Please don't comment on my appearance. | N/A | 😬 |
| Lv. 5: Acquaintances 1 (Low chance of crush happening here) | We may have spent time together at the place we met, and may have started hanging outside of there | Strangers 4, but more personal (Beginning friendship) | I am really excited to see you, I may have added you on social media, and tag you in memes / send you memes. Please don't comment on my appearance. | Bad Mood Alternative: I may be paranoid that I might be showing my true self and that I might be too weird for you, so I might feel paranoid if I feel like i've been weird and not wanna talk. | 🤔 |
| Lv. 5.5: Acquaintances 2 (Small chance of crush happening here) | We hang out occasionally outside of the place we met | Acquaintances 1 but spending time together regularly | I am really excited to see you, and I enjoy spending time together, and look forward to the next time we hang out without much fear. | Bad Mood Alternative: (Same as Acquaintances 1) I may be paranoid that I might be showing my true self and that I might be too weird for you, so I might feel paranoid if I feel like i've been weird and not wanna talk. | 🤭 |
| Lv. 6: Friends 1 (Crush COULD happen here) | We interact regularly | Acquaintances 2 but we interact regularly | We hang out and I am not so scared of hanging out. We may talk regularly online (possibly daily) and in person, and hang out regularly in person. (Regularly might still be only a few times a year, but it means a lot) | Bad Mood Alternative: I may just want to be left alone because I don't want to drag you down with me. | 🙂 |
| Lv. 7: Friends 2 (Crush will def. happen here) | We interact more regularly | Friends 1 but way more regularly | We probably talk daily or almost daily online or in group chat, and perhaps regularly IRL, maybe monthly or so. I'm not scared of hanging out at all, but still may be shy to ask you to hang out, even though I want it :3 I really enjoy you sharing little bits of your life with me. | Bad Mood Alternative: I may just want to be left alone because I don't want to drag you down with me. | 😄 |
| Lv. 8: Friends 3: Best Friends (Serious Crush?) | We interact frequently | Friends 2 but frequently | We talk daily, and if we don't, something might be wrong. I feel comfortable sharing little bits of my life with you, and may find more relevant memes to you. I expect to hear little bits about your life on a daily-ish basis too. We probably have voice chats occasionally if not regularly. | Bad Mood Alternative: I may just want to be left alone because I don't want to drag you down with me. | 🥰 |
| Lv. 9: Relationship | We interact constantly-ish | ??? but it is reciprocal. | We talk daily, and if we don't, something is wrong. We are talking and sharing life and stories and memes all the time. We will have regular voice and video chat. We may talk about visiting IRL. | Bad Mood Alternative: I may just want to be left alone because I don't want to drag you down with me. We probably will discuss my want to leave you alone when I'm feeling bad being not great, since it could cause paranoia in partner, and discuss solutions or alternatives. We may talk about taxes now. | 😘 |
| Lv. 10: Committed Relationship/Family | We interact constantly | Relationship but definitely going IRL. | We talk daily, and if we don't, something is wrong. We are talking and sharing life and stories and memes all the time. We will have voice and video chat daily, and are probably discussing being together IRL. | Bad Mood Alternative: I may WANT to just want to be left alone because I don't want to drag you down with me, but we will actively discuss that I need to power through that need to leave you alone, and instead disclose my feelings when they're happening or shortly after, even if it means I could lash out, but partner knows at that point it is hormonal / not true feelings, but an important part of 100% open and honest communication. | 😍 |
